Monday, November 29, 2010

Re-entering my life

Was I ever a silly girl with my head full only of laughter and serious boys who visited my attention with their stern adolescent dumbness?

Trying to remember: It would have been before I decide to choose between various styles and ideologies, and well before I chose to stop choosing. You see, if I am now the finely honed product of all those years of choosing, what was I before this, before choice? Can I even remember how old I was before I cease to be tabula rasa? Maybe not precisely, but there had to have been a time before the choice, the choice to speak in a certain tone, to mix a kind of polite forthrightness with a certain reticence.

It would have been sometime in early adolescence. Something, some event I may not even remember at first, would have launched me into the orbit of choice that led me to be the person I am now. Perhaps I was greatly impressed by something I saw or someone I knew, something I felt?

Did I remember when I begin to define myself?

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